


Santōryū Tiger

by KataraTakaran



Category: One Piece
Genre: (dont ya put it in your mouth), Devil Fruits, Ill add more tag later :3, M/M, alcohol isn't fun kids, dont do drink, or drug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 16:10:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15666678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KataraTakaran/pseuds/KataraTakaran
Summary: Devil fruits come in many forms. Apple, banana, peach... booze...





	Santōryū Tiger

He'd been sold at the Sale sign. Everything had to go, the owner was closing up shop. Steep discounts on every bottle of liquor on the shelves.

He bought 9 bottles of high quality, low priced booze. He grinned the entire way back to the ship.

"I'll try them all." Zoro set them in a line. He'd hidden himself atop the lookout. "Try a little of each, and go back for more of the good ones. Dump the crap on the shit cook."

He wasn't sure if he meant literally or figuratively yet, but it would be funny either way.

"First one up is... not in Common. Can't read label. Smells like boozy grape juice. Tastes... like boozy grape juice. I can get behind that." So he did, and chugged the bottle.

"Next is blue. Called... Davy Jones' Liquid Courage. Creative." He uncapped it. "But smells like straight tequila." A taste proved it to be straight tequila. "Blue Food colouring is a nice touch, though." He slammed it back.

"Next is -hic- i will cut out my diaphragm if you don't stop that right now." His hiccoughs stopped immediately. "Better. Next is... Pearl of the South. Shitty wine? Shitty wine." Oh wait, he was supposed to be saving some to dump on curly-brows when he next passed under. Oh well, bottoms up.

Somewhere about bottle 7 he stopped chugging them as the tequila hit. Pleasantly buzzed, he ripped the ninth bottle open with his teeth.

It warmed his throat as it went down, settling in his gullet. Then the flavour of the booze hit.

He swallowed hard, and switched to the nicest of the wines. The flavour vanished into the sweet alcohol nectar of the east blue.

And he returned to bottle 9. It smelled fine. But tasted like curdled milk strained through slimy sweat-socks.

Perfect.

He clambered down the ladder, a little too drunk for one-handed shenanigans. The love-sick idiot was in his precious kitchen.

"Hey, hey legs."

"How much have you had to drink?" Sanji frowned. He looked actually tipsy.

"Saved the best for last," he offered the 9th bottle. "Dumb cook wanna try?"

"... you filled that with piss, didn't you?" Sanji eyed the bottle. His brows rose as Zoro's face lit up.

"That is a great idea." He leaned over the bar to pour out the awful wine. Sanji snatched the bottle free before he could waste it.

"You've had enough." He scolded. "Go bother Luffy until you're sober again."

"Ten minute break, gotcha~!"

"What a fool." Sanji shook his head. The swordsman frog-marched away, happy in the embrace of alcohol. Once he was gone, he sniffed at the open bottle.

It was mostly full. Smelled untampered. Old, by the label's ancient printing. North Blue, something something, devil's... chalice?

He shrugged, and took a glass out of the cupboard. He wasn't an animal. The gold-white tone was lovely. Smelled like a proper, crisp white wine. Probably ritzy. Might make a nice sauce or flambé.

Except it tasted like literal shit. It took all his willpower to not immediately spit it out. To not vomit and instead swallow the repulsive swill. He coughed, and took a deep drag of his cigarette to burn the taste away.

"What the crap-?" He asked the bottle.

"Is everything alright, Sanji?" Robin peeked in.

"Yeah, just some wine went off. Wasn't expecting it." He wiped his face on a rag.

"Bad wine?" She approached the bar. Sanji was always so careful to cycle his product. To use each and every part, with utmost care. Nothing went to waste.

The bottle made her frown. "Devil's Cornucopia? I don't recall seeing this in our stores."

"Moss-head found it. Opened it. Passed it off to me." He shrugged. "Saw him with a bag earlier, must've bought it himself."

"How odd." Robin considered. She passed his glass to herself.

"I wouldn't-" Sanji winced.

"There's no offending smell. Perhaps someone is attempting to poison us?" She took no heed to his words, lifting it to her lips. And froze.

The cup shattered as she bolted. Sanji sighed as he reached for the broom. He'd tried to warn her, as the sound of her retching off the side of the boat reached him.

He brought her some sharp ginger biscuits once he'd cleaned up the mess.

"I'm sorry, Robin-my-love. I didn't warn you fast enough."

"Who drank it before you?" She asked. She look sallow with sickness. "Did you swallow it? Did they?"

"Zoro, and yeah, I did. He may have, he wasn't entirely sober anymore." He offered her a biscuit.

"You'll do well to remember the taste of devil's fruit." Robin took it. Sanji gaped slightly.

"A devil's-"


End file.
